I had the privilege of being the keynote speaker at three Buffalo Wild Wings conferences across the United States. It was an incredible experience—and one moment during an on-stage interview has stayed with me.
I asked a General Manager on stage, “What’s a moment in your life that you’re proud of how you showed up?” She paused. Her eyes filled with tears. And in that quiet moment, I did what I hope every leader would do: I stayed with her. I held space. I let her know she was safe. Then, in front of hundreds of her peers, she shared it—the moment she lost her son.
Even in the most heartbreaking chapter of her life, she showed up. Not because it was easy. Not because she had it all figured out. But because she chose to keep moving, to lead through pain, to be present for her family and herself.
Every time I ask this question, I’m reminded: we are all walking around with a lifetime of invisible triumphs and invisible heartbreaks. She didn’t just share a story—she gave the entire room permission to show up human. Raw. Real.
That’s leadership. Not performance. Not polish. But the courage to be whole in front of others.
The world doesn’t need perfect leaders. It needs more connected ones.
TRUST TAKEAWAY
Ashley reminded us that when we let people see who we really are, we build trust that no title or result ever could. After sharing her story, the energy in the room shifted. People approached her, thanked her, connected with her in new ways.
She walked off that stage more trusted—not despite her vulnerability, but because of it.
YOUR TRUST CHALLENGE
I teach a concept called “Show Your Why,” using the iceberg as a metaphor. You’ve probably heard that about 90% of an iceberg lives beneath the surface. I think trust works the same way.
Above the waterline is the what—what decision you made, what action you’re taking, what direction you’re heading. But underneath? That’s where trust is built.
Trust grows when you’re willing to share the why—the emotions, values, beliefs, and stories that shaped your decisions. When people understand what’s below the surface, they stop filling in the blanks with assumptions. They start connecting with you.
Here are 3 ways to go below the water line and build deeper trust.
1. Share the Why Behind What You’re Feeling
Next time you’re in conversation with a friend, partner, or colleague, find a moment to name what you’re feeling—and share the why behind it. When people understand the story underneath your emotion, it builds empathy, diffuses tension, and strengthens connection.
Example: Instead of just saying, “I’m frustrated with how that meeting went,” try “I’m feeling frustrated because I put a lot of thought into that idea, and it mattered to me. I know it might not be the right direction, but I was hoping to feel heard.”
2. Use the “Because” Framework in Conversations
Next time you give direction or feedback, add one sentence that starts with “because.” This tiny word invites people below the surface with you.
Example: “I wanted you to lead this presentation because I’ve seen your clarity in action and I want others to benefit from that.”
3. Let One Value Be Seen
Pick a value that matters to you—like curiosity, compassion, or integrity. Then, before the week ends, tell someone a short story that shows why that value matters to you. Personal stories spark emotional resonance and trust.
Example: “Curiosity has always been my anchor—it’s what got me through a tough time in college when I had no idea what was next.”
WATCH JUSTIN: KEYNOTE SPEAKER ON TRUST
Justin Patton is a trust keynote speaker, leadership coach, and founder of The Trust Architect Group. Through his trademark motto Trust Starts Here™, Justin helps leaders build trust in themselves, with others, and across their culture — so they keep people coming back for more. Learn more at www.justinpatton.com.
